his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
My meds have diminished my sex drive, this must be what regular women feel like
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
so evidently blowing a guy does not mean he will say hi to you when he sees you in class.. in case you're ever wondering
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