My RA tried to compliment my pong tables design after he confiscated it
It's 3am, i just got back from ht e bars and registered for classes larteeeeee. History of baseball at 8am? at least ill meet the only stragiht gusy at NYU!
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
hes out at the street wearing a tophat and a monocole and carrying a cane and greeting every car that drives by
he just went across the street and into someones house and we could hear him inviting them over from the front porch
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Then he claimed me as his prize for 3rd place in a wing eating contest. Too romantic.
Some guy I've never met before just came outside and started rolling a blunt on our fence and passed it around to all six of us. At eight in the morning. Today's gonna be weird.
Figured out why that fly won't leave. It keeps buzzing through my weed smoke
Fly high, Fly.
I slept awesome next to you. You're like an electric blanket that I can have morning sex with.
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
Randomize
