rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
The last text I sent him was about nachos. Frankly, if he can't respond positively to that he can fuck off...
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
EW FUCK GROSS GODDAMMIT I WENT DOWNSTAIRS AND MY GODDAMN BROTHER WAS FINGERING SOME GIRL ON THE FLOOR DOESN'T HE KNOW HE FUCKING LIVES WITH PEOPLE
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
It's only awkward the first ten minutes you realize it's not your house.
Randomize
