i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
side note. good thing you didn't come to drunk breakfast. we were judged by children.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
FUCK BUDDYS DON'T HOLD HANDS. NO EXCEPTIONS.
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
He came over hammered at four in the morning with roses trying to get me back when my new fling opened the door he just stood there crying for 40mins even after we closed the door
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Don't judge me like that. At least the house is getting cleaned. If I have to drink and listen to Disney music on repeat for that to happen, so be it.
How ironic... opening your legs for closure.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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