i was just at lovers lane looking for gifts for a bachelorette party.....with my mom
lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I should have bought two bottles, she left before I could feel her tits...
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
It says a lot about the way my life is going right now that 'there's no shit in your house' is fucking good news.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
I'm sitting here drinking whisky and listening to The Wiggles, I don't need a social life
It was some weird herd predator-evasion instinct. All 15 of us took off running in different directions, and the two cops just stood there, perplexed. They had no idea who to chase.
Randomize
