K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
For what it's worth, your chances of anal go up the more she loves you. There's always a silver lining.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
do you want to shower with me?
only if we can drink the jungle juice while we shower
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
So it was all good until she started grabbing my beard and telling me to "roar little lion"
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
THIS IS WHAT CELL PHONES ARE FOR! So you can tell me that you're bringing your coworker who lives in the "Halleleuia community" home for a beer SO I'M NOT DRESSED IN LEATHER LINGERIE WHEN HE WALKS IN THE FUCKING DOOR!!
Randomize
