I introduced my face to asphalt last night. They didn't get along.
Yah man, that place is surreal
Man, I'm from Tennessee. What the fuck is surreal?
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
On a scale of one to everyone dying I say let's aim for a 7
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
There's a really old guy here with a really young girl. I'm guessing he has to make choo choo train noises to get his dick in her mouth.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
And my nipple is sore from him biting it. That is not a complaint.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
I fucked R2D2 last night. I consider Star Wars day a success.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
Randomize
