I either just heard my neighbors having sex or she really agreed with whatever he was talking about.
I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
He lasted like 30 seconds. With a condom. I just expected more from the president of a frat.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
when I called the strip club they said there was a note with my credit card. "girl who punched guy in throat" fuck daytona
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
You've got the chocolate, drugs and my pants. You hold all the cards...
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
