im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
Finished the final in under ten minutes and then puked in the bushes outside. I don't even care if I graduate anymore.
It's just one of those nights that , as long as you have the drugs, everything is going to be alright.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My mom just looked at me while watching the fireworks and asked if it reminded me of how I felt after sex. I'm so uncomfortable.
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
Randomize
