Help i just walked in on mom blowing dad
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
It's a delicate game of how much porn can I look at without the other interns noticing.
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
I re-seduced my fuck buddy...must be the luck of the Irish!
My v day was great. There's a cum stain in the shape of a handprint on my sheets
ATTENTION: just found out of have strep. if we have had sex in the past week, might wanna go to the doctor. if you plan to have sex with me in the next 20 days go buy some condoms. stupid antibiotics.
We all love a big dick, but you’re going to develop a reputation if you keep asking every guy at the bar ‘how big your dick’
That’s all I’m saying
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