can you call in chlamydia to work? like if the antibiotics they gave you for it are giving you the shits...
I mean, once you get beat with a dildo you can't look at someone the same
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
Where the hell did all of these gingers come from? It's like they crawled out of their shame-caves for st Patrick's day.
Just got a groupon for a segway rental: fireworks segway battle at my house. What say you?
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
