when "blow-job jen" drunk dials you at 3 in the morning, you answer
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
This is a mass text. Surprise drug testing at work today. Either I've finally got to fuck my boss or I've got to quit to make this all go away. Please respond with option a or b.
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
You screamed out "happy birthday Jesus" followed by chugging Bacardi straight out the bottle
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
