ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
he cried for an hour, then he threw up on my lap then started singing party in the usa...opera style...
He took out the lube and started calling it fuck fluid
what started as sign language exam pre-drinks to calm the nerves turned into me waving at a deaf woman for 20 minutes
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
She makes him look at her naked pics before she sends them to someone she's actually going to fuck. I think this makes him mayor of the friend zone.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
I just want him to hold me after a bad midterm. Is that even too much to ask for after sleeping with him twice?
She called me at 2am crying because her late night booty call moved out of state
Randomize
