saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
I'm too afraid that I'm 1. Banned or 2. Gonna be noticed by the lady bouncer I punched.
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I'm pretty sure every guy I've been with this weekend has made a solid attempt at getting me pregnant...
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
In another note. Thanks for making me get a vibrator. For real.
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
Randomize
