I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
Things got outta hand once she told me to water-board her with Patron.
I think 2012 will be the year I purposely put myself in awkward situations. Much like 2011 but really trying this time. Like fucking the little sister of a girl I already fucked and dating a chick that lives with her ex. It could be awesome or horrible.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
my favorite homeless guy just told me I drive like Batman, achievement unlocked
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
I think the biggest problem with being overhigh is when the kitchen was on fire and I was pointing and laughing and eating rootbeer oreos like it was fucking Ozzfest 2000
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Dude, she was there with her husband and I was there with my wife. Of course we banged in the bathroom.
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