Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
He's so sweet...I can't see him enjoying that I got injured during sex.
Randomize
