I got to see an enormous amount of vagina this morning.
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
I don't know. The next thing I remember we were in the walmart parking lot making out.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
This Alex the guy who suck your belly ring
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Well, not only did I find out the Top Knight has roof access, I also let a guy I just met eat me out on the roof. Seems like a lot of wins if you ask me.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize