She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
We're trying to see who can drink the most and still be eligible to donate blood tomorrow.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
i was gonna do a lot worse than just throw cat food on you while you were passed out, but then you sleep vomited and i felt a little bad
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
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