just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
there's no excuse to just assume your pants won't be coming off for some reason or another. that's just irresponsible
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
I would compare it to a jeffrey but in smoothie form. More drugs in here than Bobby Brown's sock drawer.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
THERE IS AN ENORMOUS FAT WOMAN EYEING MY FLIGHT'S GATE LIKE IT WOULD BE DELICIOUS TO EAT.
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I broke a glass at the bar and ended up with blood on my forehead. I apparently kept screaming BLOOD like the little boy in that YouTube video.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
you were screaming "I don't need a shirt!" repeatedly while in the process of taking it off and flashing the bouncer. we got kicked out. thanks a lot.
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