I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
I put it into a sports analogy for him: there are three teams in the league- friends, fuck buddies, and dating, and the fuck buddies roster is full, pick an alternate team
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
We just filmed our own version of iron chef. The secret ingreient was whisky.
What did you cook with whisky?
We started a fire.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Ive waited a long time for a girl with prescriptions like yours.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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