I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
When I like her vacation photos, it really means "Im sleeping with your boyfriend." wonder if she will make the connection.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
Whenever you feel bad about your life, just remember the time I tried to swim while high and thought for a minute I was genuinely drowning
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
She followed me back, then proceeded to find my room, get her panda suit on? And then raid my room and pass out on my couch... what the fack do I do now?!?!
You made me drive your car so you could give the dude from the parking lot a BJ in the back seat. Classy.
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
After I chugged my beer the cop slapped my ass and said "atta girl" this can't be real life.
My vibrator broke.
Dude it's been less than twelve hours. Did you sleep?
Don't worry about that. I need a new vibrator.
Randomize
