Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Call me in 2 minutes and go along with what I say. You're hysterical and I must go comfort you asap. He just asked if I was ready to experience sex with a wizard and he wasnt kidding.
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
It's like a bag of dicks covered in taint sweat pounding a pregnant baby walrus.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Lesson learnt. Sex toy cleaning spray is not an acceptable substitute to clean your glasses with.
He sat down, pointed at my Converse and said "I have the same shoes." I thought "I'm going to have sex with you by the end of the night."
So i had a feeling this dude with one leg in a wheelchair was following me around Walmart turns out I was right. He just asked for a picture of my feet.
i mean i let him but still...
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
Randomize
