My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
do you know what's more awkward than a positive pregnancy in a public bathroom?
not a thing
walking in on a stranger's positive pregnancy test in a public bathroom
literally every day that goes by where he doesn't talk to me makes me more determined to get him to have sex with me
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
He purred while eating me out. HE PURRED AND I LIKED IT.
Sorry about the picture of wills balls via snapchat last night btw
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
he kissed both of us goodnight when we dropped him off...I didn't know if I was more offended or impressed
WE ARE DOING DRUGS AND GOING TO THE STRIP CLUB SATURDAY LADIES
Randomize
