My kitchen smells like failed pina coladas.
i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
she always winds up in the cupboards its nothing new.
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
The only way I'll cross anything off my to do list today is if I write 'eat melted cheese' on it
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
When you wake up and wonder why your bleeding and it feels like you jumped into a ceiling fan, dont worry. Ill explain it all when I wake up.
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Mom just walked in on a bj. IT'S WHATEVER.
Randomize
