this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
I have stickers all over my boobs and a lump the size of china on my forehead. today has not been good.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
He's very cute and has a totally sit-able face.
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
you said it was a life or death situation, being your partner for beer pong doesn't count
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
