1:32 am: your girlfriend looks like a man
1:48 am: your uglier
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I miss my teeeeeeeeth. They're in a bag in my hand.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
Randomize
