Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
Prostitute standing on the corner thrusting at cars as they drive by. New marketing strategy?
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
then the nurse gave me a bag with my personal belongings: phone, wallet. jacket, keys and a BTB burrito
im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I am wrecking havoc on the skinny girls by going home with the big one. She is taking me to see her dog now.
if it doesnt flame it aint got game is a bad drinking motto eyebrow-wise.
eyebrows regrow, your balls dont
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
Jack and I got in a huge fight at 6am. He fell asleep when I was giving him head so I freaked. We were both black out so I made a memo in my phone reminding me
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize