New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Seriously I will never run in my wedges while drinking racing home to have sex ever again
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Hey, sorry I choked you last night... I was just really excited to see you.
Randomize
