u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
Oh my god. Oh my god. Oh my god. I drunk emailed a professor on friday. Oh my god. Oh my god.
he took off his pants and apologized in advance if I thought he was too small.
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
I'm beginning to think the only reason I get laid anymore is girls are fantasizing sleeping with my dad...
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
