Lets drop out of school and be professionally skinny and drunk
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Have you ever noticed how boring internet porn is after you cum? I can't shut my computer fast enough.
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
There were so few words spoken that I'm not sure if it was make-up or break-up sex.
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
It's great when the cashier at the liquor store asks "weren't you wearing those clothes yesterday"
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
They are going to name an STD after you.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
So what happened at girls night? My roomate found me passed out locked out on the front steps of the house and it was raining. Yes low moment
Randomize