hey this is lauren, i have to type for jon because he's convinced the tongs he's holding are his real hands
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
so how do you plan on seducing my econ TA?
by telling him that he has a large supply and that i demand it...in my mouth. it shows him that i'm slutty and that i pay attention in econ
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
My bed became a clown car for his family....I'm not ready to get married
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I think we've had way too many heart to hearts in the Mc Donalds parking lot for this to be a healthy relationship
He woke me up at 3 am, turned me on, then changed his mind. There is no way he is getting out of twilight now.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
