So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
I caved and texted him. But it's strictly drug dealing business so it doesn't count.
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
I am a terrible person. This is almost as bad as when I was going to see my ex while my boyfriend was at that funeral.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I just put bacon on a thin mint and enjoyed the shit out of it. I better not be fucking pregnant.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
He really thought ahead and just left the tequila in the mail box for late night pickup. Best. Friend. Ever.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Can I use your baby to go shoplifting?
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
She told me the next morning I stared at her tits for like 15 minutes with binoculars from only a few seats away.
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
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