is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Y'know, "Class cancelled because Professor is stuck in Mexico," is not something I expected in college. Let alone, "Professor is stuck in Mexico, AGAIN."
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just want you to know that I am dancing around my apartment by myself singing Taylor Swift into a wine bottle. Do hurry.
I just paid for weed by taking him to the store to buy cheese so he could make empanadas. Best. Drug deal. Ever.
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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