I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
Then she cat effected the picture of my dick I sent her the other night. I'm in love.
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
First sunburned tits of the season. And it's only April... I feel like it's going to be a good summer.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
Current dream situation- Gordon Ramsey is my Uber driver and he's hauling around a backseat filled with chocolate covered açai berries. I'm good for eternity.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
Randomize
