I've come to the conclusion that as a grad student I would much rather prefer to get laid then get drunk
I think you know full well that a few years ago my stance was the polar opposite
you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
No one should ever have to Neosporin their nipples. At least he apologized.
Haha it's harder than you'd think to come up with ways to turn your penis into a Christmas drawing
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Randomize
