so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
Why was I handcuffed to the roof?
It was easier then trying to explain why you couldn't fly
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Yes and yes. Got taken to a Florida strip club. I desperately want to flood my eyes and ears with hand sanitizer right now.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
also karaoke with swedish 7yr old and drunk 50yr old = best idea ever
I just talked this guy out of hooking up with me and gave him relationship advice. Am I a good person now?
If they were bad they leave that night, if they were good they get a gold star, and if they were great they get invited back. Simple.
Randomize
