Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
Are you dead or are you taking another 13 hour nap? you need to let me know these things ahead of time so i dont worry.
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
