i just wanna soil my oats bro
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
the realtor just asked me if i've ever made meth on this property.... i need to do something about my hair
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
Is it too much to ask that I wake up one morning with out a pic of your dick as my wallpaper??
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
HAVE BEEN SPEAKING IN RUSSIAN ACCENT FOR 5 HOURS
SHIRT GONE
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
