I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Ambien. No doubt about it.
Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I forgot to mention I threw up in my wine glass AND my neighbors empty cup.
your dad just showed up on the golfcart with a keg. i. love. our. neighborhood.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
No, no... It was great. I feel like my liver took a vodka shower and washed it's hair with pabst
I ate her out and told her she tasted like pumpkin pie. She screamed that she hated pumpkins and started to cry
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
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