AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
my wrists were so small for the handcuffs, i could slip them off and hand the tow truck driver my keys....
That's the last time I do shots near a campfire.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
You were in subway at 3am showing everyone your tan lines
I feel like he's only with me because no one else would blow him.
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
want me to make you a grilled cheese? I can't guarantee it'll be as good as yours but i'll go down on you afterwards if you want
brb printing out this text and putting it on my bedroom wall
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
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