Hi
Babe...You're really smothering me right now
Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Going to spend my cab money on more shots and just take the ambulance home
As my groomsman, I expect you to learn the Thriller dance with me before next September.
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
