I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
how do you casually eat pancakes with someone after they send you an unsolicited dick pic?
you don't. it's the point of no return for pancake enjoyment.
I just text my one night stand Happy Easter on her way home...now would be a good time for the lord to smite me.
Wet should excavate the hamsters out of the front yard n give them a proper burial.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
They don't have a Valentines Day card for the married guy I'm sleeping with. It can't use the words, love, soulmate, you're the only one for me...and obviously it can't be anything related to spending the day together because that's not happening.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
