come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
For sure. We should see if we can get Mike to pay for one, and have a triple kegger... :o==& (that's future me projectile vomiting. i try to be goal oriented)
Yeah he gave the rest of the brownies to the bouncer that took his fake
How many beers are too many "cause it's Archer Thursday" beers?
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
The girl that works the front desk at my gym invited me and my friend to come see her Tuesday during her shift at hooters because its her birthday. I still have a boner
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
OH MY GOD MY UBER DRIVER IS PEEING BEHIND A DUMPSTER
Still got in the car though
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
just made a presentation to 40 students and my professor about morals and ethical issues..still drunk. at 8am. I wish I could remember how it went.
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
I refuse to shit my pants for anyone except Cher and Christina Aguilera!
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