I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
you made cement angels. it was a great sight.
My boyfriend texted me as I was texting some random hookup from last night. His text: "Morning baby" My response: "Your cum is in my hair"
Your mom can still drink beer standing on her head! Talk to you tomorrow :)
Mom wtf!?
I had a drunk dream I lived on a puppy farm. I hope this dream repeats every night of my life.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
we couldn't afford a big pool so we bought 2 kiddie pools and put the inflatable beer pong table inbetween. get over here. now.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Have you ever chugged beers in the hospital parking garage with your mom?
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
After last night I am convinced that you are the human embodiment of alcoholism and bad decisions.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
