then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
You should probably just propose to him the old fashioned way: sleep with him and get pregnant.
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
I can't leave. She doesn't trust me and my penis being out in the world without supervision.
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Well he had a nice beard and it smelled good so there was no way I wasn’t going home with him.
Hi darlin, what are you doing tonight?
.... Things I will not be proud of
Randomize
