Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
I thought i didnt really feel whatever i snorted last night until i just realized i think i asked this dude to punch me fight club style
After we finished having sex, he drunkenly tried to hugh five me, farted, then accused me of stealing his socks.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
Just woke up to the cat unconscious on my stomach, his face between my tits, purring to bring down the walls. I'm endeared and horrified at the same time.
Randomize
