If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
So never has there been a greater Valentine's Day gift than you actually putting a new roll of toilet paper on for me after using the old roll up! You didn't even use the new roll. You clearly put that on from a gentleman's standpoint vs. a selfish standpoint. I love you!!!!
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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