so he stopped for a second, looked up at me and said in a really creepy voice, "I can has cheeseburger?" and then went back to eating me out.
Desperate + desperate does not equal a fun night.
I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
You basically tried to anal probe my passed out friend with a lamp
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
He's two decades older than you. Remember how you said you wish you lived in the 70s? HE DID.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Randomize
