and then I told him he looked like the Gordon's Fisherman dude. I don't think he thought it was funny, because he 'forgot' to pay for my beer.
fighting downstairs. join me tonight to hear their makeup sex. also, let's make skittles vodka.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
Also I'd like you to set a calendar reminder that goes off every day for you to take 2 minutes to think about what your life would be like without me.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
You thanked me for a delicious cock and tacos...
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
She asked how comfortable I was with her while we were in the shower. She then proceeded to pee in said shower.
Why is it that the asexual in our group is the one that gets laid the most often??
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize