found an unmarked box of photos in the garage, they were from when my parents first got together. It was fun laughing at their ridiculous eighties outfits and hairstyles, until I found a pic of my dad. naked. with a boner.
i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
Bad news: I found out that girl you want has a boyfriend. Good news: she'll probably cheat on him with you. Better news: after seeing the way she treats him, that's the most interaction you're going to want with her anyway. Trust me.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
His abs are so defined he looks like a human xylophone.
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
You're swimming in an imaginary pool of pudding. What do you think?
Randomize
