I am at a 420 party and i just told a girl "hey, less not getting donuts, more getting donuts"(1-855): and did she get any doughnuts?
No. I am devastated
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
my star wars tattoo got me laid last night. definitely a dark side sort of benefit im thinking
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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