went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I love online classes. Spent the last part of my lecture taking apart a teabag and filling it with weed.
Ever had blood in your semen? I am guessing that's a problem.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
I totally need to blow more fat guys. His cum tasted like vanilla ice cream
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
We mailed him an 18 inch double headed dildo for his birthday. The Fedex guys certainly got a laugh out of it.
I'm high and I have a consensual booty call on the way and just thought that it was a good time to let you know that I think that you are a stellar person.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
This mustache is awesome. I can't pass by a mirror without looking in it and thinking damn, I'd like to give that guy a handy.
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Randomize
