what's the vibe there?
extraordinary amounts of gine
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
captain&coke to the library. STAT. this is an emergency. this is not a drill. I repeat: THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
"I played a game called "how drunk can you get in a minute" last night. How was your Thursday?"
Yeah, but having a dick this size has ruined 3 marriages.
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
My mother just set me up with the son of the man I fucked last weekend. I could crawl under a rock and die OR I could remember the rules of genetics and hope that JR takes after daddy. Wish me luck...
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
