Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
It's going to be great. They guy at the store said 3 shots and you won't be able to feel your face or stop smiling.
She kept saying 'I love you' but i couldn't tell if she was talking to me or to her beer.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
my dad just paid them in porn...i no longer feel guilty for getting hammered and not helping
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
you invented a new sport called "bacon pulling" and you cried everytime a piece broke
So apparently we wrote "Lube Shopping" in Paula's diary on every friday for the rest on the year....
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Our Uber driver pulled over to show us Tinder some dick pics. Top that.
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