You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
just so you know... i was wasted last night, but the evening is coming back to me in flashes... i made you eat gravy last night, didn't i?
We probably shouldn't have forced that guys cat to drink the grey goose while we were doing lines in his bathroom
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
Walked up in time to hear him say "you saw I was in a relationship on facebook? So why are you holding my nuts?" To her. That's loyalty man
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
All I've consumed in the last 24 hours is cranberry vodka and kosher for passover biscotti
That's what happens when you party with the tribe
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
My nipples are YOUNG and they need TWISTING
Of course he’s dumb. He’s got a 9 inch dick! There’s not enough blood in his body for a big dick and a big brain. It’s science
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