I puked while I was brushing my teeth this morning and had to get a new tbrush
Ew, did you brush them again?
Yeah but i puked on the new one and decided to give up...failure
Ur dog is a babe magnet. Reminds me of me
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
i'm not going because i feel like it's just gunna be a "this is your life" who i banged this years addition
Changed it back. Somehow I didn't think my profile pic should be me shirtless on ecstasy, ya know?
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
My one night stand from last weekend is now taking me on a date this weekend. How is this my life?
Randomize
