Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
remeber the saying "bad choices make good memories" dude our bad choices dont even make memories.
picked up a girl by parallel parking. i love this town already.
I now have an ENTIRE drawer of unused disposable silverware from Boston Market... and you guys said I needed to "buy" kitchen stuff
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
Jesus tap dancing Christ rock out with your cock out is supposed to be just an expression. And even if it weren't no one wants pics bro.
I'm not sure why he thinks weird that I masturbate AND look at pinterest at the same time.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
