I totally have a Rabbi on speed dial now. Keep it Kosher.
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
If it makes you feel any better, I had my finger up some guy's butt today... Dominatrix training, ya know...
I only have one kid whom I wish to hit in the face with an active jackhammer. How's work?
Apparently chalking everything I've done these past 48 hours to the fact that it was homecoming, is like a "get out of jail free" card.
His flight was delayed by two hours though. I just got cock-blocked by clouds :(
It's finals week and I'm halfway done with this bag of wine and don't plan on stopping. Say goodbye to my GPA
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Someone signed my nipple.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
