When are you freeeeeeeeee?
My phone auto corrected that to freeeeeeeeeedoooooooooom. That's kinda awesome.
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
its like national bring your ginger to the pool day or something
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Ya he's alive. Apparently he's been drinking Naty and listening to Unbreak My Heart on repeat all day.
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
I refuse to plan drunken casual sex. Just think of the monster I'd create.
Things that happen while I poop: I start dating someone
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