i wanted to iron the shorts i'm wearing. but i'm high and lazy. so i'm using my hair straightener. in bed.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
i'm not a hellocoptur, but youer in a dorm ans im un a dorm
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
door buzzer is fixed. took shots with Latvian electrician to celebrate. nice guy. he is gonna bring mixers next time cuz kombucha didn't really cut it for him.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I no longer exist. I have transformed into a puddle of sex.
Beer, water, beer, water, beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer beer so much beer
Today is an "outside sex" kind of day.
A check for $9 that I used to buy six boxes of Girl Scout cookies bounced. I think I've hit a new low.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Yeah. I got a Tetnus shot then partied like it was 1999.
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