Hey sorry for feelin' up your date. Sadly, this is a mass txt.
Does it still count as a "walk of shame" if it's only 1am?
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
I honestly think the worst part about the night is they just kicked us out of the park and we didn't even get to go into Disneyland Jail
Oh. I'm probably going to just get a viagra and ruin your life.
This is the fourth day in a row I woke up with cheetos spread around me in a ritual pattern..this weed is unreal
Why did the sexual harassment class show a clip from frozen?
My neighbor came out@4am in a pink nite gown n clotheslined a punk on a mo-ped w/her mop handle, then just walked back in her house like she just checked the mail. MILF 1 PUNK 0
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
I know this shouldnt be a problem, but there are too many women hitting on me. I dont know what to do
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
Randomize
