It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
Should I tell her she gave me head in the kitchen while I was eating a cupcake or would that hurt her dignity too much?
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
I plan to get very, very drunk when I get off work.
But doesn't your shift end at like noon?
I don't think you understand.
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
WHERE THE FUCK'S MY FUCKING RITALIN YOU FUCKING FASCIST?????
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
Randomize
