i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
guys are only as good as the porn they watch
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Everything is fine now . The coast guard said we just can't take the inflatable trampling out past the break way anymore
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I got us chalkboard mugs. Now whoever comes home with us can feel comfortable in the morning! I am too considerate to my one-night stands...
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
I kinda feel like I was hit by a Prius. Just glad it's not bus status.
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
It's 2 am on the long weekend and what am I doing? Sitting alone in my room eating chips and queso and watching Rio. Fuck I need to get laid.
Randomize
