Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
I have decided to cut my hair. This is based solely on the fact there is too much of it to clean vomit out every Sunday afternoon.
He picked me up for our 1st date and saw my roommate crying on the floor Fabreesing her vagina...
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
You know it was a challenge blowing out the candles. It was hard to think of a wish, while drunk, with a concussion.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
OHMYGOD I LITERALLY JUST FINISHED JERKING OFF AND MY MOM BUSTS IN AND HANDS ME A BABY WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON IN MY HOUSE JESUS H CHRIST!
I'm only wearing socks and eating tuna, don't do this to me right now.
Its almost 1 am and u wanna get together and cry naked
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
Whose house did we sneak into and play beer pong for 4 hours at last night?
I honestly have no idea
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
