I just saw two girls throwing up in the bathroom. they were high-fiving under the stall...
people at meijer look at you funny when you have 37 bottles of champagne in your cart.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I'm out of mixers so I am using sugar water. Times are tough.
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
If you two are having sex, stop. I have something really important to ask you about psychics.
Also, sex on a first date is no, right? Really, I just don't want to clean my apartment, but I'm trying to hide behind "morals" in an effort to appear less lazy.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
What's the blow job-backrub exchange rate these days? I've got some killer stress knots
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
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