That poor girl was naked and had to be at a job interview in an hour
guess who just trotted in eating her oats and wagging her penis
Next time i try to unbutton my R.A's shirt with my teeth, please stop me
No promises.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
she used her one phone call to ask me about my day
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Can we just discuss how hundreds of miles away we were both beyond drunk and in some boys bed. That is the definition of friendship.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Lies! You took my virginity, and now my cigarettes!
Randomize
