his dad came out and found me sleeping indian style on the couch with my cup balancing on my boobs. didn't spill a drop.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
I don't know what possessed you to do that, but you have to give the stripper more money before you try to check her oil or they are going to throw us out every time you do that.
What happened with the girl wasn't a gay thing. It was just a mutual respect and want for sex. The guys just weren't there.
Call it what you want. You fucked a girl.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
I was basically just fingering myself and thinking about space.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
You're just upset because I have cupcakes and boobs and you don't.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
