Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
He fell off a seesaw, tore half his ear off and somehow convinced the paramedic he was allowed to have a beer while being treated
Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
He just said "I know you want my cock" and I said nah. I want food bro
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
Randomize
