I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
I just hate that one day I'll have to tell our children how we met, makes me look like a gold digging whore
We're going to party like we don't have spanx on
I feel like vibrating beds are just synonymous with venereal diseases.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
I don't like how my gyno is telling me how to live my life.
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I almost accidentally threw him out a window during sex last night.
Randomize
