I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
so high and i think i just ordered a magic bullet.
did you call within the first 18 minutes? can i have the free one?
Hello everyone will one of you please inform me on why I woke up in a cardboard recycle dumpster with no shirt and a stuffed animal? I want to hear this explanation.
Your godly.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Just a heads up, the coffee pot is filled with Jager.
The shit I just took made me regret every life decision leading up to it.
HIS TAN HAS PUT ME TO SHAME. HE TOOK HIS PANTS OFF AND HIS DICK LOOKED LIKE A GHOST
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
ARE YOU THINKING VAGINA THEMED RESTAURANT
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
We were taking body shots by lunch. I love college.
Just made a drug contact standing in the sandwich line in the dining hall. Is this real life?
You're my fucking hero.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
