I like my sex mixed with concussions.
DOES ANYONE KNOW THE NINJA TURTLES
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
How do u explain to your grandma that your relationship status is hooking up with randoms at a bar
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
Randomize
