Thats cool. we found a cat INSIDE a coke machine.
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
He had in his status he loved beating off and tagged his wife. another reason facebook should be for college.
I'm trying to pinpoint the moment when "don't do anything I wouldn't do" became bad advise.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Did we almost burn down the bar last night? I guess flaming shots were a bad idea.
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
If we don't rescue him from the fat chick soon, she is going to eat him alive and suck the marrow from his bones.
I went full Overly Attached Girlfriend. You never go full OAG.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I'm adopting to save the world from the moral outrage that would be my offspring
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
Randomize
