There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
Say my name once during sex just to fuck with her. Like when it gets rough.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
i just walked by a road side game of beer pong? it's gonna be a long day
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
I lost my flask somewhere between dancing shirtless to The Spice Girls and walking around Wawa opening/eating things and putting them back.
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
Cant leave im designed bacon maker you come here
Should I apologize for the loud sex I had in his living room? Because I'm not going to.
Definitely not.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
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