Bel-fucking-mar, this place has more popped collars than a Hollister catalog
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
When she gives birth, I'm so playing 'Eye of the Tiger'
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
It's nice out. . But after I almost put a bag of chips in the microwave to make nachos. ..I figured it best to not venture too far from the couch
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Randomize
