you missed a midterm to shack? WOW. How desperate are you?
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
The guy who just got ate on True Blood had the same balls as you.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
3-9 out of 10... Depends on the situation. Taco Bell is more of an idea than a restaurant.
How stoned are you?
I am about five seconds from ripping off my clothes and throwing myself into the ocean to become a mermaid
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
Just confirming I will be washing my asshole at your house at approximately 2:45 tomorrow afternoon.
The strangest confirmation message ever sent.
Randomize
